I received this to my email few days ago from Marc and Angle (www.marcandangel.com)
Signs for a wake-up call:
· If your life is on auto-pilot, this is your wake-up call.
· If you never put yourself first, this is your wake-up call.
· If you've become someone you don't recognize to please other people or to chase some
version of success that doesn't resonate with you, this is your wake-up call.
· If you are constantly numbing out with food, shopping, booze, TV, or other distractions, this
is your wake-up call.
· If you are worn down, beat up, stressed out, and completely depleted, this is your wake-up
Getting a wake-up call is easy, answering the call demand some work. You don’t want to wait until things are too severe to fix. It leads to poor health in many levels.
When you want to change a behavior that causes you problems, you need to try and change it – see if it works. I mean try as give your-self assignments and homework.
The first step is to study this behavior, where is it coming from, what does it serve? The next step is to change and see if it serves you better.
One of my limiting believes and behaviors were – avoiding confrontations.
Not telling someone in his face what I really want to say.
I wanted to work on the way I see other people, not to be afraid of them. I wanted to stop obsessively think that everybody must like me!
I wanted to act as myself – no matter if the person next to me does not agree with what I think.
Trying to be OK with everybody, trying to make everyone around me happy and satisfied with me; I have become someone I didn’t recognize to please other people.
This behavior was hurting me, although it came from good intentions (our behaviors result from a higher good intention):
my negotiator character want everyone to get along. My ego want to be liked by everybody. My pacifism and non-competency part does not want fights and arguments.
Sometimes however, confrontations are needed.
So I decided to change my behavior and try say more what I really want to say. Tried to be MORE myself. Tried to let the real me shine. If people will not like the real me, or reject it – I cannot take it upon myself.
It is impossible to be liked by everyone. When you meet a group of people, 1/3 of them will like you, 1/3 won’t and 1/3 won’t care.
Besides, if behavior did not serve me good until now – let’s find out if different behavior can.
A matter of trying and actively changing, instead of keep on pondering.
I gave myself assignment, homework to see if I can confront people when needed.
I also used communication skills, ones that will make everybody feel comfort without compromising who you really are. If the higher good intention is to make a confrontation less harsh, we can achieve it with other type of behavior, not necessarily an avoiding one.
I found it very relieving after this experiment. I decided I don’t want to go back to my old habits.
Authenticity really sets you free.
There are 2 ways to overcome fears, action, and love. Tomorrow read about the second part of this therapy journey, how to replace fear with love.